Cow And Field - Opinions

I am waiting with a child-like impatience

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 00:00:00 +0200

Over the past year, so many albums have come out that have just blown my mind. I mean �fuck me, what was that?� albums; Nick Cave, Portishead, Torche to name a few, but there is one album in the wings that I think, hope, pray is going to blow all these out of the water.

Now you�re probably going to laugh, but if you haven't guessed it yet its� �DEATH MAGNETIC� - the new album by Metallicaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

I wasn�t around back in the day obviously, but there is something about this band I will always hold dear. Of course like many, I lost faith when �St. Anger� was shat out, even more so when their slapstick approach to life in a band was publicly bared in the agonising �Some Kind of Monster� documentary. These guys were never my heroes but as I spent the best part of two hours pointing and laughing at them; part of me sympathised.

It�s obvious they just want to make music - well at least two of them; Robert Trujillo doesn't count - but they have a barrier forbidding the fruition doing anything good. It�s more commonly referred to as an �Ulrich�.

I always envisioned Metallica partying, doing drugs, smashing things and womanising. Of course they did but at some stage, something happened along the way; I think it was called �The Black Album�.

Going from a thrash band to the dizzy heights of superstardom, it could have been classed as the beginning of the end. It matters not as they went on to sell close to 100 million albums worldwide, but sadly, this was the point that the egos spiralled out of control and the money side of things took over, killing off that passion and honesty of four dudes just playing heavy and fast.

So it�s almost upon us, internet talk has assured readers that �Death Magnetic� is going back to its thrash roots. Well we shall see and I am going to download it just to be awkward. Here�s hoping to a new fresh sounding album, a faster and classic sounding Metallica with no meltdowns, no Bob Rock and none of Lars Ulrich's shitty snare.

Link:
Video: 'The New Song'

It's been a long time...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:00:00 +0200

Ian Breen OBE spouts his dirty mouth off...

Admittedly, output has been pretty slack as of late. I don't really have a valid excuse, other than that I've been getting fully absorbed by the following awesome things:

1. WAITING FOR 'THE DARK KNIGHT'

Hype has been slowly building around this movie and now it's finally here. Only one more week to wait before we get to relax in those comfy IMAX seats and get our minds blown by a dead man getting an Oscar and a Joker who is supposed to be on the same scary scale as Dennis Hopper's Frank Booth in Blue Velvet - from beyond the grave. Really cannot wait for this!

BOOM!! TRAILER!!

2. TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!

This show is absolutely great, it's a really difficult show to describe - but once you watch it, you just fall in love with its silliness. Some of the most surreal, ridiculous comedy around at the moment - if you're a fan of anything from Monty Python to Andy Kaufman to even South Park or The Simpsons, you'll be bowled over by this show. Plus, they have some excellent celebrity guest stars such as John C. Reilly, Jeff Goldblum and even Tom Skerritt. Check out the Beaver Boys collection below and enjoy.

http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=389796

3. WRITING MUSIC, MAKING SONGS, BUT NO FIGHTING ROUND THE WORLD

Myself and Simpson who runs this lil' site have been recording the new record with our band Day For Airstrikes for a wee bit, but in the meantime I've been being totally awesome and recorded a new full length record with my friend Rob, under the name Borland. So most days are taken up being conceited and listening to my own tunes while sitting around, laughing, eating Jaffa Cakes and drinking endless amounts of champagne. Join in with me!

http://www.myspace.com/dayforairstrikes

http://www.myspace.com/borlandsongs

4. THE WIRE

Well, I finished watching The Wire in March, but since then I've been in a state of almost permanent depression. There's a gigantic Wire-shaped whole in my life, and I don't know how to fill it. I've tried everything - whores, drugs, The Sopranos...nothing works. Maybe just have to wait til the 23 - disc box set comes out at the end of the year.

5. WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK...

I've started this new job that is pretty boring. However, you get to read people's disciplinary reports and have a good laugh at some of them.

Some of the letters are genius! But the rest of the day is tedious and LONG. VERY LONG. So today I called in sick and I intend on getting all my reviews finished up and online! So expect a mega influx of news and reviews coming your way!

That's about it. Goodbye.

Weezer, why bother?

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0200

Weezer�s new record is shit.

You knew it would be but you just had to check it out anyway.

Anyone who heard recent single 'Pork + Beans' and thought �OMFG!�! Weezer have got it back� would have been bitterly disappointed with Weezer�s third eponymous effort which has managed to shit further on the Weezer legacy with painfully basic songs and Rivers Cuomo�s stab at rapping, for which he should be stabbed.

However, those that stuck it out were duly awarded with closer 'The Angel And The One'; the closest they�ve come to reproducing the plodding glory of The Blue Album�s �Only In Dreams�.

Mid-paced thunderous drums and dragged out distorted fifths lay the foundation for the catchy, if slightly �praise Allah� refrain of �Peace, shalom, peace, shalom. Peace, peace�. It couldn�t be further from 'I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon' but it shows that Weezer haven�t totally lost it.

I would have graffiti'ed that picture up there but I think any amount of MS Paint-work would only make it less ridiculous.

While most would prefer to ignore any post-Pinkerton material but this lovely closer just about warrants their existance.
Perhaps they should do two song albums in future.

Listen to 'The Angel And The One' here...

Simmy Selects

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 00:00:00 +0100

Chicken Selects are pretty much the only respectable munch you can get from McDonald's. They're easy to nossle on, pretty crunchy, plus you get a sauce to add a bit of taste to possibly the lamest meat available. Anyway, here's some select nuggets of aural/oral delight I'd like to big up your way...

Grails - The Burden Of Hope (Neurot)

If Godspeed You Black Emperor hadn't ballooned in the way they did following their inclusion on the 28 Days Later OST, then I'd bet my placenta that Grails would be on the mouths of many more post-rock musos. Things went a bit weird after this record's follow-up 'Redlight' with the band taking on a air of pomposity with the whole structureless and experimental 'Black Tar Prophesies' series which as whole seemed sadly pointless. Last year's 'Burning Off Impurities' got things back on track but their two opening records are a must own.

Production comes across as effortless but utterly perfect on 'Broken Ballad' and 'Canyon Hymn' with wooly guitar tones and drums that sound like they were recorded in a valley by a sloth. Loved by Neurosis as much as Mogwai, Grails' laidback instrumental noodlings demonstrate post-rock at its finest.

http://www.myspace.com/burdensofhope

Edith Piaf - Hymne � l'Amour

Paris' Little Sparrow has been enjoying a bit of a revival recently due to the massive success of the La Vie En Rose film and 'Hymne � l'Amour' shows exactly why she deserves it. It doesn't matter if you don't understand a word she sings, the passion with which she delivers the lyrics surpass language barriers to give goosebumps every time. The ending sounds like Bambi or some early Disney flick but it's not every day you hear a song and can honestly say "I want that playing at my funeral".

http://www.myspace.com/souvienstoiedithpiaf

Stars - Do You Trust Your Friends?

Remix albums have a pretty bad rep.
I remember back in the day picking up singles and being terribly let-down with the b-side stuffed with rushed heartless remixes. All of them utter shit.
So scouting the list of names that Stars let tinker about with their debut album 'Set Yourself On Fire', my eyes brow lifts to my hair line, which fair enough is showing no signs of receeding but I was still pretty impressed.
Final Fantasy, Montag, The Dears, Metric, Jason Collett, The Stills, Kevin Drew, not bloody bad, and in a feat of unprecedented relief its as good as it promises. 'Ageless Beauty' is given a jazzy acoustic shuffle by The Most Serene Republic while Montag puts 'Set Yourself On Fire' through an apocalyptic electro furnace.
Part remix album, part covers album, this exercise in masterful tinkery is a rare treat.

What no link?

Happy New Year Bitches.

Longsden's Top Threes

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:00:00 +0200

Hello folks, this is my top three records of the year so far!

SHELLAC - EXCELLENT ITALIAN GREYHOUND (Touch + Go Records)

I am a bit late jumping onto the old �Albini� bandwagon, many of his bands have just passed me by, and I feel ashamed to say that as now I can�t stop listening to Shellac. This is the latest offering from his brand of post punk/noise mongers. Taking their own satirical brand of silliness they provide the listener with sometimes Fugazi esque songs and tongue in cheek vocals from one Mr Albini. This is typical Shellac, executed perfectly well, one can only imagine that the live experience offers more than could ever be committed to wax.

HIGH ON FIRE - DEATH IS THIS COMMUNION (Relapse Records)

Stoner rock is not dead, it never has been, and it lurks unknowingly in the background as the rest of the world carries on. Matt Pike being at the fore front of this crazy genre has released his fourth album with High on Fire. Death Is This Communion is the perfect remedy to a shitty day, this is how head banging fist pumping music was meant to be, and you just can help but smile and wish you had long hair. Mixing the dirtiness of Motorhead and massive riffs of Sleep this will make any respecting human reach for his/her bong and salute.

BIG BUSINESS - HERE COME THE WATERWORKS (Hydra Head)

YES YES !!!! The best two piece since Hall and Oates. Big Business (now proudly part of the MELVINS!!) dropped on our laps Here Come the Waterworks, Vocalist Jarred Warren is one of the best vocalists around, with Coady Willis they are a tightly knit team. The writing on this album is way tighter than their previous album and you can tell the influence from the Melvins is rife throughout the album. STAMPEDE !!!!!!!! Each track blends garage rock with sludge and stoner to make a truly great listening experience. If you get the chance to catch them live, do so without thinking twice.

Breen's Top Threes

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 00:00:00 +0200

My top three records of the year:

BATTLES - MIRRORED (Warp)

This is possibly the most unusual record I've ever listened to. Absolutely spastic rhythms, time signatures and melodies that seemingly only appeal to chin-stroking art students. Yet they manage to make initially-impenetrable music incredibly catchy, dancey and FUN! Just listen to the cheeky glam stomp of "Atlas", the slick, backwards, sub-r'n'b melody of "Leyendecker" or the fists-in-the-air riffage of "Tonto" and you'll realise that Battles are the most interesting and exciting band around at the moment. If you haven't seen them live, then you simply have not lived.

STARS OF THE LID - AND THEIR REFINEMENT OF THE DECLINE (Kranky)

So after all the partying and spazzing out to Battles, you obviously need something to calm you down and get you ready for bed. Stars Of The Lid are here to help. This is one fantastically spaced-out record, over two hours of beautiful, soothing ambience that washes over you and makes you feel like you're taking a bath in a cloud. They're coming to the UK in November so make sure you go and witness this amazingly sleepy band live. Don't forget your horse tranquilisers.

INTERPOL - OUR LOVE TO ADMIRE (Parlophone)

Interpol again impress with their dark blend of 80s new-wave and indie rock. Having released an absolutely fantastic album in 2004's "Antics", showcasing a more melodic and poppy side to the band that wasn't really apparent on their debut, I was curious as to where they could go next. As it turns out, they have looked towards the cinematic sound of Ennio Morricone and the dark kings of understated melody King Crimson - incorporating french horns, pianos and melotrons to flesh out their sound. It takes several plays to fully appreciate this album, with songs like "Rest My Chemistry" and "No I In Threesome" initially jumping out and grabbing your attention, but it's the subtle melodies and sneaky hooks in "Pace Is The Trick" and "Wrecking Ball" that really bowl me over.

Check these records out, they are terrific.

My three favourite "post-crap-summer" records:

PORTISHEAD - PORTISHEAD (Go! Beat)

The announcement of Portishead's return at this year's All Tomorrow's Parties : Nightmare Before Christmas event almost made me faint. No joke. Portishead have been a part of my life for thirteen years and as we slowly crawl towards December, this record finds it's way onto my record player more and more. It really is amazing, a totally timeless record. Beth Gibbons' trembling voice still gives me shivers every time, especially on the darkly unsettling "Undenied" and the scathing "Elysium". Absolutely essential listening.

YES - TALES FROM TOPOGRAPHIC OCEANS (Atlantic)

By no means the best album in the Yes catalogue, it is still a totally great album with some really fantastic music. Although there are only four "songs" on here, each one runs past the twenty minute mark, meaning that each song has at least ten different movements, some of which are actually mind-blowing. Of course not all of it works, there are some truly cringe-worthy moments of self-indulgence but its strengths definitely outweigh the flaws. Perfect rainy-day music.

DEFTONES - AROUND THE FUR (Warner)

Most people would say that they outgrow the musical taste that they had as a teenager, and I am definitely one of those people. However, Deftones seem to be one of the only bands that I have stuck with over the years, continually being impressed by their progress. This album is definitely one of their best, chock full of awesome riffs, surprisingly off-kilter melodies and fantastically obtuse lyrics. It makes me want to mosh hard like I'm fourteen again.

Three things I'm looking forward to in the next three months:

* Portishead's live return
* Control - the Ian Curtis biopic
* Sunn O))) & Boris performing Altar live in London

Three things I'm going to do today as soon as I've finished writing this stupid article:

* Go and take a shower
* Go pick up a synth I just bought off eBay
* Go and see Brian Wilson play live

That's it folks.

Simmy's Post-Summer Selections

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 00:00:00 +0200

Summer is gone, as brief as it was, but all is not lost.
Here's some musical treats to cheer your face up.

DANANANANAYKROYD � 4077801_9975-ccc30 (Download only)

I best clear this up first. This song is not called 4077801_9975-ccc30. After downloading it from the band�s myspace a while ago, I forgot to rename it properly and the song has since been removed. I�ll probably never find out its real name but who cares. Displaying why the double drumming Scots are such a delight, its as if Faraquet took giddy pills supplied by Q + Not U then decided to play a few Forward Russia covers without bothering to learn them properly.
There�s no downside to it, Dananananaykroyd play to elate; just don�t spell their name wrong.

Link: Download the song here

ESKIMO COWBOY - WHERE ARE YOU HIDING? (Self Released)

I was fortunate enough to be in the studio during the recording of this and with all band members being good friends, you would be right in accusing shameless favouritism; well I�ll suck my own dong if Eskimo Cowboy aren�t the greatest vocal group since that time East 17 teamed up with Gabrielle.

Moody melodic acoustic and wholesome harmonies have long been preferred traits of their sound but with added keys from Sadie Baker (ex-Slowdowner for Liam Frost) and solid experimental beats from ex-Day For Airstrikes Ryan Dyson, EC will be lighting up your life as soon as they finish recording this song...

Link: EC Myspace

SOMETREE - BENDING THE WILLOW (Pias/Rough Trade)

Germany has been home to no good bands ever so it�s nice for Berlin�s Sometree to hop-clop all over that schnitzel. The lack of appreciation for Berlin�s finest has always baffled me. When they played Manchester in 2005, it was rammed to the hooves. A year later, they played the exact same venue to less than 25 people. The omission of The Maple State from the latter bill could explain that but still why those good 100 people weren�t bowled over by Sometree�s beauty first time to refuse a second helping is a testament to the foolishness of some people.
Released early last Summer, �Bending The Willow� seeped out to a calm reception and lazy sales thanks to limited distribution and an awkward mail order system. Which explains why most just downloaded it for free.

While Radiohead are biding their time with solo projects and other nonsense, Sometree carry the torch for the subtle guitar symphonies that Thom Yorke + Jonny Greenwood have somewhat abandoned since OK Computer. Combining the spirit of Applecast Seed and the vibe of Oxford�s finest, �Bending The Willow� creeps into motion with �Whatever Make You Sleep� with enveloping dreary whines amongst blankets of electro-lushness. The dry, raw and winding production of �Hands And Arrows� is so first-rate that it was once a candidate for the title of this website at one stage.

With �Bending The Willow�, Sometree didn�t re-invent the wheel; more blend an assortment of today�s credible influences to mould a fascinating listen.

Link: Seraph video
Hands + Arrows live

Yes, I like Dream Theater

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 00:00:00 +0200

Let�s cast our minds back to the summer of 2000.

A plucky young lad (me) is starting his apprenticeship, meeting all kinds of new people he comes across a chap who introduces him to a type of music that would pretty much change his life. Now I must be honest, he didn�t really choose the obvious choices to introduce me to the world of progressive rock, far from it in fact. The man in question was a chap called Glenn, a good friend and someone who did me cd after cd of bands I had no idea existed. I would go home and listen, sometimes get high and think, wow this is what it was like in the seventies.

I was lent a DVD by a band called Dream Theater, I was bored one night and watched it, I can honestly say I was quite blown away by the stage show, theatrics and of course the musicianship. I followed up the DVD by borrowing an album called Metropolis Part 2: Scenes from a Memory. This is a concept album based around central characters (the actual band acting as the orchestra) who get involved in a murder that happened in the twenties. Yes it's typical prog.

Silly story aside, Dream Theater are one of the few bands dragging a pretty extinct musical genre into the modern age, of course there are the old bands plugging away, but few are trying something new (Porcupine Tree, Mars Volta, Radiohead).

Anyway, the album flows really well as most concept albums do, with typical nods to the greats (Yes, Floyd, Rush) with a more jazz element in songs (Zappa) and of course the metal riffs (Metallica) it�s a fantastic album and a good starting point for anyone who is interested in getting into modern progressive rock. So yeah I am not ashamed, I will say it again, I like Dream Theater and I will hold my head up high. I think if you just listen and not think of the daftness of the band you may acquire a soft spot like I did, who knows you may even end up liking them.

With this sudden surge in popularity in progressive rock, decent bands shouldn�t be overlooked because they were not around �in the day� good music gets ignored because of their influences from many moons ago. If it was 1971 and I was saying I liked Genesis I am sure many people would laugh at me, it�s the way the shit cookie crumbles, in general people prefer the classic prog bands at it saves the embarrassment of trying something new.

If Pink Floyd released a new album I really don�t think people would embrace it well, so try their counterparts, it won�t hurt.

Further listening -
Dream Theater � Metropolis Part 2: Scenes from a Memory
Porcupine Tree � Up the Downstair
Zombi � Surface to Air

Albums You�re Not Supposed To Like But Are Actually Quite Good

Sun, 13 May 2007 00:00:00 +0200

Oasis � Be Here Now (Creation: 1997)

Following the third biggest selling British album and massively successful sold-out dates at Knebworth, Loch Lomond + Maine Road, album number 3 from the Burnage boys had to be a stunner and for a band renowned for pinching riffs from the likes of T.Rex + George Harrison beneath a blanket of Beatles inspiration, emerging with something that came close to previous efforts whilst nursing the blow incurred during the Blur/Oasis battle was a bigger feat than both Liam + Noel�s eyebrows put together.

I�m not going to have you believe �Be Here Now� to be a perfect album or even a great album, just a record that was dealt a bad hand.
Had it surfaced prior to 1995�s �(What�s The Story) Morning Glory�, it would have been recognised as a gradual incline to worldwide dominance. However blurting claims of �we�re bigger than the Beatles� and �the best band in the world� and then coming up with something that half-inches the Fab 4 in some form and disappoints in nearly every song, the critics and record-buying public were going to come down heavy.
On the flip side, if �Be Here Now� was everything it should have been, their star status would have been unprecedented. Sadly as last year�s �Stop The Clocks� compilation proved, The Gallaghers are still paying the majority of their bills with the first two albums.

With a formula that has gotten them so far, the Manc mob thought that album number 3 would come to them like water down a mountain. Inflated and OTT, the cocaine train can be found in nearly every bar. Should Liam stop singing his brother would noodle off a soulless pentatonic scale, chucking in the odd �wowwow� bend. Noel was so 'inebriated' during one session Johnny Depp had to step in to play his slide guitar part. What was Jack Sparrow doing there anyway? The Gallaghers were hurling shit at a wall with the approach that if some of it stuck then great and if not, who cares, people were gonna buy it anyway. And they did. On 21 August 1997, 'Be Here Now' was crowned the fastest selling album in UK history. Did it deserve it? Definitely no.

Oasis had always been cockier than a pen of hens and with two albums worth of top quality b-sides, it was claimed that Noel had wasted all his stunners cramming them onto singles and then expecting songs their equal to seemingly drop out to the sky. This appeared to be very much the case when 'Stay Young', track 2 on their comeback single, pissed all over �D�You Know What I Mean?�
Despite reaching number 1, lead track �D�You Know What I Mean?� was laughable at best. Not content with ripping off George Harrison for �Wonderwall� they thought that recycling songs that they already ripped off is a perfectly viable means of creating pop music.
At the time, Carol Vorderman famously broke down the song into a mathematical equation �
Wonderwall [plus] helicopter [times] bleepy Morse code [divided by] lyrics Richard Ashcroft would turn his big nose up at [example: There�s blood on the tracks and it must be mine/The fool on the hill and I feel fine/Don�t look back cos you know what you might seeeeeeeeee] [EQUALS] Oasis' first boring single aka D�You Know What I Mean?
Oasis were so charlied up no-one on God's green earth knew what they meant.

If Bonehead and Noel traded their plecs for jelly, the intro of �My Big Mouth� could probably pass as The Sex Pistols. Howling feedback eventually gives way to the closest you�ll get to a guitar onslaught from Oasis as the self-mockery and self-assurance continues with Liam �walking slowly down the hall of fame�.
Ooo you are good aren�t you with your actress wife. Take a good look at Jim Kerr from Simple Minds. That�ll be you if you�re not careful laddy.
Despite the nauseatingly assured subject matter, �My Big Mouth� is a welcome confirmation that Oasis still had some cojones in their girly pants.

�All Around The World� can be traced back to Definately Maybe-era, as far as 1994 appearing in soundcheck tapes; it only took so long to find its way onto an album because Noel wanted a big budget production to do it justice. There�s no crime in wanting to be the best but the Yellow Submarine-esque video couldn�t be blunter with its Lennon-And- McCartney-isms. The seven-minute la-la-la-along saw them ride an epic wave of over-extravagance which verges on Broadway with scents of their usual Manc swagger. It might not be Sgt Pepper�s but it wasn�t far off.

If Noel is singing, it�s usually because he can�t trust his dipshit brother to handle the song�s delicate subject which is why Noel takes the lead on �Magic Pie'. Often cited as one of the attributing factors to Be Here Now's slating, its winding (read: meandering) song structure is a dreamy stroll through indie-cloudland and with a chorus overlooked for its simple if slightly White Album glow.

It was only a matter of time before nu-metal moaners Korn used the song title �Don�t Go Away�, sadly Oasis beat them to it with this plodding heart-tugging ballad which at times sounds like a slowed down �Slide Away� merging into the latter day �Don�t Look Back In Anger�. Lightly salted with an air of uncomfortable tinge of cringe, the chorus is more adhesive than a PVA leech with velcro shoes.

Like them or not, Oasis have wrangled a permanent affection from music lovers and pushed their way into being recognised as a national institution off the backs of two classic albums; yet despite having twice as many not-so-great albums, their legendary status and arrogance remained untarnished. With each album, people expected less and less until it got so bad that it couldn�t get any worse. Hence why mainstream media hailed 2005�s �Don�t Believe The Truth� as a return to form when infact it was merely a slight clef in their musical downfall.
�Be Here Now� will most likely be regarded as Oasis� worst album due to it�s disorientating blow of disappointment which to many people was the beginning of the end for Britpop dream.

Links:
T-Rex - Bang A Gong then watch 'Cigarettes + Alcohol'
Buy 'Be Here Now' for a pittence off Play.com

Simpson Says

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 00:00:00 +0200

It's been a bit since the last instalment of 'Simpson Says'.
There's no particular reason for this.
Sorry.
Anyway, here's some wonderful music you check out...

Ramona Cordova � Take Flight (Album: The Boy Who Floated Freely)

Those unfamiliar will easily mistake Ramona Cordova pictured left) as female with his frilly falsetto and fantastical lyrics about a boy who turned into a bubble and floated away. At least that�s what I think it�s about.

Anyway, this 68 second nugget of flowery innocence wraps up one of the greatest indie records of the last decade with the Portuguese prancer cheerfully strumming away on his billy lonesome proclaiming his love of writing on paper aeroplanes.

I�m yet to find anyone who likes, let alone loves, this brilliant songwriter but for those searching for something totally dislocated from corruption, troubles and most of all arrogance, �The Boy Who Floated Freely� is the musical equivalent of weightlessness.

Link: Inside The Gypsy's Bar live in a tunnel in Paris

Amy Winehouse � Tears Dry On Their Own (Album: Back To Black)

It may rip off �Aint No Mountain (High Enough)� wholesale but this Jewish princess has somehow rapidly moled her way into my heart, a heart which would usually repudiate other similar filthy powder-sniffing characters.

If you saw her on the Charlotte Church show recently, sloppily slurring her way through Beat It(Link), you�d have been won over by her disregard and hilarity. Either way, Winehouse slips and souls through this clump of modern motown with defiance and vindication to demonstrate just why she is one of the greatest soul singers around.

Link: Live on Jools Holland
I Heard It Through The Grapevine with Paul Weller

Scum. Subhuman scum.

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 00:00:00 +0200

Tonight I didn't go and see The Shins. It upsets me. I will hold my hands up and say I should have bought a ticket the day they came out instead of perpetually procrastinating but I still thought if I swallowed my pride and went to see the devil it would be ok.

FORTY FUCKING QUID!!!!!

Are you fucking insane? Would you like a fucking rim-job with that you sleazy piece of shit? There were even some cheeky enough to try fifty!

I figured waiting around for a while would help. I figured I could get them down to twenty-five and I really wasn't prepared to go any higher. Double face value is really pushing it.

If you are a tout you are going to hell. In fact, if you have EVER sold anything for more than you bought it for you are a piece of shit. What makes it worse is that people were happily throwing thirty and, on a few occasions, forty bells at them without giving it a second thought.

I understand the world less and less every day. It's a good job my band gets to play with Grabba Grabba Tape and Pit Er Pat in the next seven days or I'd be in a reeeeaaaalllllly foul mood.

Fuck off!

Goth paradise faces closure

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 00:00:00 +0100

It�s been a haven for all things weird and wonderful for as long as anyone can remember but in a move that will leave a big ugly hole in the heart of Manchester�s Northern Quarter, Afflecks Palace has been faced with closure. Developers Bruntwood who own the building, have yet to confirm if they will renew the lease on the building�s contract which expires June 14th with the likelihood of the upspring of yuppie flats.

You might have grown out of it ages ago and not set foot in it for years but this place is a Manchunian institution which draws visitors from all over the UK not to mention the world. It is far from a palace but for most, Afflecks was the first experience of �something else� away from the cunt-ridden slabs of Market Street where customer and retailer were very much equal.

Providing a pedestal and a release for independent retailers offering everything from posters, hoodies, accessories, to other slightly less legitimate products including fortune-tellers for over 20 years, the loss of Afflecks would mean more than just a loss just to the people of Manchester but a blow to Manchester�s development and bowing down to the yuppie generation. Night + Day won its battle against its brainless neighbours so why the Afflecks plight have any different an outcome?

It�d be ridiculous to claim Affleck�s isn�t as popular as it used to be or a victim of the internet as thousands pass through its doors every week. Yes you can find much of what it offers on the internet but where�s the pleasure in clicking �buy� and typing in your credit card number? Afflecks is rite of passage that everyone should have the opportunity to taste.

Don�t be a nob, sign the petition - http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/Afflecks

Q Magazine

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 00:00:00 +0100

So, I have become increasingly bitter over the past few years, flicking through magazines with a huff and a sigh on every page, looking at what my beloved mistress has become. Bands get their 5mins then disappear into the unknown world of "We Almost Made It", sometimes the Magazines get it right (Arcade Fire, Mastodon etc etc) and of course they get it wrong (See any band on the cover of NME).

So this brings me to my point, Q Magazine, its like NME for late twenty somethings with an ipod full of mixed delights, the magazine give you ESSENTIAL downloads, yes tracks you must own if you�re a music lover, tracks you possibly cannot live without, if you do not own these songs do yourself a favour and ram a knitting needle down your ear hole you worthless piece of shit, how dare you not like what we do ?

Anyway enough of that, so this months Q is a homage to non other than U2, yes, the band that can make a career out of delayed guitars and a shit political stance. Yes Bono, war is wrong as if we need you to fucking point out the obvious. This man has been nominated for a Nobel peace prize, yes you read correctly a NOBEL FUCKING PEACE PRIZE, there are men and women out there who are trying to cure cancer, save lives and the environment and this prannock gets one for "Being the voice of a generation" Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm not my fucking generation. The man basically thinks he is God, which of course is blasphemy if you believe in that shit, so cast his sorry hide to the depths of hell, give him his U2 Signature Ipod and let him complain we are not doing enough, enough what Bono ? Best be careful here, he may have interwarriors looking out for people who take his name in vain.

So yes, next time your politically confused look no further than a U2 album and read Bono's psalms, he is a genius. As Sonja so famously put it "He is not Bono, he is rubbish".

I am lost.

"I blame Ozzy for being utter dog shit"

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 00:00:00 +0100

In the most hilarious Osbourne incident since Sharon's dogs shat everywhere, Kelly Osbourne has cited her father for the shortcomings in her pop career.

In an interview given to contactmusic.com she says:
"It's harder for me because people always think, 'Oh, she's Ozzy Osbourne's daughter - everything just gets handed to her.' I'd love to do another album - music is my whole family's passion. It's a lot of work and I get disappointed though.
To get the respect of one person I've got to work twice as hard. "I'm really proud of my second album, I still think it's great. People didn't give it a chance. If it was released by someone else I think people would have loved it."

I'm with Kelly here.
People fail to realise that if Ozzy wasn't her father then she would have easily made it on her own as a singer as her vocal talent alone could out easily outweigh fifty sperm whales. Pfft. As if it's not enough listening to her acrid, grating voice whenever she talks on tv, we're expected to pay to hear her try her rubbish Avril Lavinge impression an' all. Ozzy is a legend but let's face it, its not entirely down to his voice is it? Tony Iommi has more talent in his prosthetic finger than Ozzy has in his entire haggard, barely functioning shell.

There seems to a clearance sale in audacity recently. First Paris Hilton claims that 'nothing gets handed to me on a plate', now this sulky puss is an unappreciated music genius? It had totally left my mind that she even had a first album out let alone had it caught my attention that she had a second.

Kelly love, you are the seed of a man who is famed for snorting a line of ants and scoffing-off a bat's head so maybe things were better before you wanted a piece of the pie eh? You tubby sulking twat!

Spoilt brat?!? Are you insane?

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 00:00:00 +0100

A response to �Manchester, the spoilt brat of live music� by Simpson

What�s going on? Are you a Nazi or just completely mental? If I pay to go to a gig then I�m going to do exactly what I want. Within reason, obviously. I bet you try to stop people watching television at your house party. Well, the word on the street is that it�s not a very good party and the idiot box is the best option. Likewise, maybe catching up with their out-of-town pals might just be a better option for some people than watching a band. Even if they have paid. Especially if they paid.

We�re not in a library, we�re not in a gallery (which I think should be noisier than they are but that�s a whole other thing) and we�re not talking about an acoustic gig. These bands you�ve mentioned are loud, how distracted can you possibly be that you�re listening to some guy tell his mate who he�s shagging rather than paying the band the attention they �deserve�.

If a band isn�t grabbing somebody�s attention then it�s their problem. Don�t tell someone they should leave just because they�re not into it. Maybe I should dance. Maybe I shouldn�t dance. Shit, a tall person went to the front and there�s a photographer on the stage.

If someone is stood front row centre and talks the whole way through a gig then maybe that�s different but I can�t believe that it�s happened in more than one isolated incident. Besides, Minus The Bear and Mogwai have both been back towards the tail end of the year and MTB was a total success and I believe the same was true for Mogwai. On top of this I seem to remember the crowd at the Silver Mount Zion gig being �beyond the call� accommodating to the point of a large portion of the crowd sitting for the duration so more people could see. Selfish cunts.

This is worse than bands that ask people to stand nearer the front. I suppose I should eat with my mouth closed.

www.myspace.com/steburnst

Simpson says...

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 00:00:00 +0100

Not all great music gets heard but sadly a lot of shite does. Here's a couple examples of the former...

Burnst � Coconut Hats For Cats

A studio version wouldn�t be too much to ask but be grateful this 12-minute slab of masterful musicianship recorded in someone�s living room ever it to tape. By the time you read this, Burnst may have split and reformed again, twice.
http://www.myspace.com/motherfuckinburnst

Eskimo Cowboy � Keep On Moving Forward

Drawing on the finer elements of Rufus Wainwright, The Beach Boys + Sufjan Stevens in an acoustic, highly infectious trio laden with sunshine harmonies, Eskimo Cowboy�s twisting and spiralling structures will please those who thirst for melody + warmth.
www.myspace.com/eskimocowboy

Albums you�re not meant to like but are actually quite good:

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 00:00:00 +0200

Every so often, Cow And Field will remind you of an album which upon its release was acclaimed across the board but over the years has fallen prey to blood-thirsty critics, the fickleness of fashion or turncoat fans. Admitting you liked this album today would result in you being spat on, stripped of all your dignity and being forced to live the rest of your days in the sewers but in reality, it�s actually quite good.
Take my hand and I�ll assure that its ok to like�

Slipknot�s Self Titled Debut

Yes, nu-metal is the ginger nephew of the 90�s.
Yes, their masks looked shit and even slightly scary if you never got over the time your dad made you watch Stephen�s King�s It.
Yes, the whole act stank to high heaven. Beating each other up onstage, putting goat skulls on the drums, a jar full of dead crows, swearing for the fuck of it (People=Shit, s'a bit unnecessary innit?), Slipknot were closer to a freak show wrestling team with down-tuned guitars than an actual band.

But stick on this Ross Robinson driven mammoth and it�s hard not to be blown away by the inhuman pace of Joey Jordison�s spectacular drumming, the hard partying guitars and Corey Taylor�s raw scathing vocals. DJ Sid�s disc-scratching leave it tied in the last millennium but I�d love to see Trivial or Bullet For Bullet For My Valentine come up with something stronger than the opening 6 songs of �Slipknot�.

Just like Kiss, Slipknot were created for the sole intention of upsetting parents producing an album that split opinion right down the centre. The kids (or maggots as they�re often referred as) idolized them. In-store signings were overwhelming and overpopulated while those on the other side of the fence (including metal fans) scowled as they strolled down Market St balling witty wordplay such as 'shitknot' and 'shitknob'. If Iowa�s finest had followed through on constant threats of splitting up following an extensive world tour, Slipknot would have left a pretty looking corpse. 1999�s follow-up 'Iowa' lacked the viscosity and brute force as the debut. The few meritable moments were too little too late as much of the 'maggot army' had already moved on.

Vocalist Corey Taylor later unmasked and tried to scrape some dignity to some success in horrendous alt rock outfit Stone Sour while drummer Joey Jordison formed The Murderdolls winning best band and best album at the Kerrang awards in 2002. Funny how they won nothing at any other award ceremonies. Oh what an injustice. Meanwhile, Shawn the Clown formed To My Surprise who opened the second stage at this year�s Download festival. If it wasn�t his band members making his nose bleed then that lofty billing would have surely done the trick.

Slipknot now scower Europe and America spreading the word how 'you can't fucking judge me' and that people equals shit.

Gorillarse.

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 00:00:00 +0200

In today�s civilized world, I like to think that anyone is free to listen what to they want and I am all for the lexical shrug of �each to their own�. Except when it comes to one band. Gorillaz.

Yes they�ve been about for ages scooping awards here there and everywhere but its come to a point now where I can�t take anymore. When they came out with �Clint Eastwood� a good six years back, they were quite refreshing, plus with Blur opting to release utter dogshit instead of real music like when Coxon was on board, it was a welcome change for Damon Albarn to be involved with something worthwhile. The album however, was rubbish with only a couple of half decent singles earning it some sort of merit.

Fast forward to present day and Gorillaz are on much grander scale. It�s still the same old shit except they have a semi-impressive cast of guests like Shaun �I�m not skint, honest� Ryder and De La Soul. That bit on �Feel Good Inc� where the rapper goes �ha ha ha haaaa� makes me cringe every time. What are you laughing at? And why do you keep doing it? Stop! But the thing that really gets on my tits though is the whole cartoon thing. Everyone knows Damon Albarn is the voice and everyone knows Dan The Automator provides the beats, so why keep up the whole cartoon act? Apparently each character is supposed to represent each band member but the Albarn character seems shit all like him. He�s got no eyeballs for a start.
They have elaborate videos which must cost a fortune and a good few months to produce aswell as cartoon projections which interact with real life onstage guests.

Yes it seems pretty impressive at first but then you should realise, its also utterly pointless. What does it actually add to the music? Someone obviously noticed that you need something to divert people�s attention from the fact that what they�re listening to is utter rubbish so if ever you need proof that gimmicks work, I would advise you to look no further than Gorillaz. For fuck�s sake, they even have their own Cribs on MTV. Did someone forget that these are fictional characters and that the whole exercise might seem a tad ludicrous?

�Demon Days� sold a trillion copies because it�s safe and inoffensive. It�s bought by people who have no musical preference whatsoever. The same people that but The Best Album In The World Ever and James Blunt. It�s also bought by forty-something dads as a last ditch effort to earn kudos with their teenage kids when they stick in on in their Range Rovers.

Please mister Albarn, take your �cartoon band� and get to fuck.

Manchester, the spoilt brat of live music

Mon, 08 May 2006 00:00:00 +0200

Imagine the scenario.
A friend you haven�t seen for a few weeks comes to Manchester.
You have lots to catch up on, lots of stories tell, lots of news to break.
Where would you go? A nice quiet bar where you can chat till your mouth falls off or a gig where you can barely hear the person stood next to you? Sadly a lot of people have been opting for the latter recently.

I won�t pussyfoot about here. When you go to a gig, you go to see a band, you want to hear some quality music being performed, you don�t go to fucking chat. Sure, during changeovers it�s expected but if you stand on the front row, gabbing away (which I�ve seen) then frankly you should be ashamed and if I had my way, I�d have you ejected.

I don�t understand how it can be acceptable for people to pay money to get into a gig then just natter away through a band�s set. It�s disrespectful towards the band, it�s annoying for other people watching them and if you�re not there to watch the band, why ARE you there?

It�s not just a small scale issue either. Bands such as Mogwai and A Silver Mt Zion would rather choose not to play Manchester due to people�s selfish ignorance and the number of bands giving Manchester a miss is growing. The last two visits from Minus The Bear saw an incredibly rigid and stubborn crowd with a shocking �go on impress me� attitude. Both gigs were totally sold out and both gigs had this appalling lack of response with very little movement or appreciation for one of the greatest bands going. I really wouldn�t be surprised if MTB didn�t bother with Manchester next time they�re over.

The thing is, this ignorance doesn�t happen in Leeds, Liverpool, Birmingham, Nottingham; the only place I have seen it is Manchester. An hour up the M6 will bring you to Lancaster, a place where people show total respect for every band, irrelevant if they�re in to them or not. I�ve went to a few shows whilst in Paris and from beginning to end, the only noise people make is to applaud, sing along or show appreciation.

It begs the question, is Manchester the spoilt brat of live music? Are there so many gigs that people have forgotten how much effort and ballache goes into organizing a tour, let alone a gig? I fear this is the case. Manchester doesn�t know what its got and when its gone, you�ll know who to blame.